Cry
by thegoldhat
Summary: Caitlyn struggles with an unwanted obstacle in her life that she will never be able to overcome. All Nate wants to do is help her as much as he can and convince the brunette he's not doing it out of pity. NateCaitlyn. Pen Name changed from Sort of Forever
1. Last First Day of Camp

_--_

**August 31st, 2008. 5:18 pm**

_"I'm sorry, but I have some bad news."_

_The doctor peered over his glasses to look at me with his dark beady eyes. Mimicking a model, he pursed his lips while putting a hand on his left hip in a ladylike way and shifted his gaze to study a folder filled with my medical records again. His actions and high voice made me question his sexual orientation._

_Was he wearing eyeliner?_

_I almost giggled but I felt my mother squeeze my hand and I looked up to meet a grim expression on her face. Not wanting to be reminded of the reason why I was here, my eyes wandered and I looked down at my bright green converse and couldn't help but notice how much they contrasted with the dull white linoleum floors of the hospital. _

_After a while, I stopped trying to find distractions and waited for the balding man in front of me to tell me what I already knew._

_--_

**July 1st, 2009. 8:02 am**

It was the first day of my third year at Camp Rock.

It was the first day of my last year at Camp Rock.

And not because I was getting too old to go.

-

It was bright and sunny outside. All the campers were enjoying their first few days of being free from school. Wasn't escaping to the woods and singing or playing your hearts out every kid's dream?

I glanced to my right and behind a guy drumming on everything his drum sticks could reach was a familiar figure rushing over to me and our group of friends.

"Hey guys!" Mitchie greeted me, Lola, Barron and Saunder. She looked as happy as ever. Even happier than last year. Her smile looked so big it could fall off her face. But you couldn't expect anything else from Mitchie 'I've-been-dating-a-popstar-for-a-year-now' Torres.

I noticed her hands were empty.

"Where are your things?" Lola got to voice my thoughts before I did.

On cue, as if he had been trained like a circus animal, Mitchie's boyfriend walked up to our group lugging her suitcase and guitar behind him. I noted that he was sporting the exact same haircut as last year. In fact, nobody really looked any different.

Except for me. I was paler and thinner. I hadn't bothered to visit a hair salon all year. People at school practically called me anorexic right to my face, not caring at how hurtful their tones might have been. But it didn't matter. It felt like I had given up on life anyways.

As expected, a long pink limo rolled up beside the camp. A blond wearing sunglasses stepped out and was handed her pet dog in true Sharpay fashion. Now pretty much everyone knew her role model wasn't T.J. Tyler anymore. Next thing you know, Tess would be getting a nose job.

I wasn't the only one who was watching in amusement as the small brown puppy started licking Tess' face. She immediately flung it as far away from her as possible, sending it running into the woods. Its whimpers and yelps filled my ears. I felt like running away too.

Now everyone who had turned to look at the scene she was making started to lose interest and resumed when they had been doing before the arrival of the coral-coloured limo.

-

It was lunch time and all the campers started making their way to the mess hall, myself and my friends included. All of us, Mitchie, Shane, Jason, Nate, Lola, Saunder, Barron and I walked over to a table that managed to fit all of us and sat down.

Feeling chatty and excited, Mitchie spoke up, "So anything interesting happening?"

She hadn't stopped smiling the whole time she'd been here.

Her question was met with various responses.

"I'm learning how to play the electric guitar."

"I'm teaching krumping to a six year old."

"Well, we're going on a European tour in September. A band called the Jonas Brothers are going to be opening for us. They're pretty good. And Shane worked it out so Mitchie can come with us and sing their duet for one of the locations. It's going to be really fun. We're going to London and -- "

"I'm getting a birdhouse!"

I kind of zoned out at that point.

Ten minutes later, the group suddenly burst into laughter at something Saunder said. Something about Barron meeting Miley Cyrus and shrieking like a girl. I wasn't really paying attention to the conversation, but I caught bits and pieces like Lola's new boyfriend's name was Zeke and Shane staying at Camp Rock for another summer -- this time accompanied by his band mates too. He had said something about good publicity for Connect 3.

"You seem really quiet, Caitlyn. You haven't said anything at all when you're usually so talkative."

"Yeah, is everything okay?"

"I'm fine ...just hungry. Uh, I'm gonna go get something to eat."

I offered a small smile and stood up. I made my way over to the table covered in food and picked up a plate and realized Nate had followed me to go and get food for himself.

Hungry, I wanted to reach over the chips and grab a sandwich but just looking at food made me want to throw up. I felt famished though I didn't want to eat.

Before I knew it, black dots started to cloud my vision.

"Are you okay? You don't look so well." The voice was hesitant but the one thing I noticed the most was that it seemed so distant when in reality, the person who had spoke was standing right beside me.

I tried to meet his concerned gaze and open my mouth to explain I was fine to yet another person but my world tilted.

And everything faded to black.

_--_

**August 31st, 2008. 5:20 pm**

_" Miss Gellar, I'm afraid you have cancer. I'd assume you'd have about a year to live, but if you'd consider treatment we might be able to prolong your life. I offer you and your family my condolences."_

_Beside me, my mother collapsed in tears._

_--_


	2. Starstruck

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Camp Rock._**

--

_"Mom, we've already talked about this."_

_"But Caitlyn, sweetie--"_

_"No mom. I'm not going to change my mind."_

_Tears started to leak out of her eyes. She trembled so hard that I thought she was going to have another breakdown and I'd have to get dad to calm her down or else she'd spend another whole day in a foetal position._

_I wanted so badly to fix everything. For her. For my family so they wouldn't have to suffer because of me again._

_My mom lost her father to the same monstrosity that's taken over my life. I didn't know how much more she'd be able to take._

_"But don't you want to at least try?"_

_"No."_

_"Caity, I know there are side effects, but what if it does work? If it does work and you live for another seventy years, won't you be so grateful that you decided get treatment? ...Sweetheart, please."_

_"Mom, can you just leave it alone!?"_

_"Don't raise your voice with me, Miss Gellar! God, you don't do anything anymore. You just go to school, go straight home, do your homework and you never smile. You've just--just given up. I wish Dr. Stoner never told us about the cancer. Then I could still see you happy for a little while longer." She changed her tone so it seemed that she actually cared about my answer to her question, "Are you seriously willing to spend the rest of your life roting at home?"_

_"No, not at home. Camp Rock. I'm going again this year"_

--

When you're told you have a year left to live, you're practically already dead.

Everything worth living for gets pulled right from under you. Your hopes and dreams are like fragile dinnerware then someone goes and yanks the tablecloth causing them to shatter before your very eyes.

When the doctors say 'You have cancer' or whatever terrible, never-should've-even-be-allowed-to-exist disease they actually mean 'Don't even think about hoping, working towards a dream or planning for happiness. You're not going to gain anything. You won't get to live to see the results of your effort.'

--

I shifted uncomfortably on what appeared to be a bed in the infirmary. My surroundings were recognizable because I've been here before during my first year. Tess forced me into some five inch heels ("Yes Caity, it will make that cute boy you've been crushing on notice you.") and while trying to make my way across the mess hall, I tripped on a carrot and sprained my ankle.

Immediately, a hand reaches out to grab mine -- It's Mitchie's. I glanced at her only to see a concerned expression on her face.

"Guess I didn't get to the food fast enough." I joked.

I gave a lopsided grin. The corners of her own mouth twitched upwards.

"Are you okay? We were all so worried. Luckily, Nate caught you so you didn't hit your head on anything."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Honestly, I was so excited for Camp Rock I didn't eat breakfast."

Her eyebrows scrunched together and I could picture the eating disorder thoughts running through her head. She wasn't blind; she knew I was looking a bit underweight.

"Well Brown wants you to call home to tell your parents just in case. You don't have any classes today either."

"Alright, thanks."

I smiled again to try and convince her that everything was going great. But I've never been the best liar.

I got to my feet and Mitchie shot up. Fear evident in her eyes, he placed a hand on my back to steady me in case I fell again.

"Relax, Mitch. I'm fine." I surprised myself when a giggle escaped my lips. She was too cautious to be normal sometimes.

A hesitant laughter was contributed by the girl beside me.

"Sorry."

We exited the building and started to walk towards our cabin.

"Where's everyone else?"

"They're at the open mike. They left a bit before you woke up. The nurse wouldn't let so many people stay."

I changed the topic. "Are you going to sing for Campfire Jam? 'Cause you should" I encouraged her.

"Maybe. But only if my favourite producer joined me!"

I pretended to think. "I'll ponder your offer."

She nudged me playfully. "Come on, Cait!" She pleaded.

"Yeah, yeah. Fine."

She beamed and I knew everything was okay again between me and her.

--

It must have taken at least two hours to convince my parents that I was okay and to allow me to stay at camp. It required was a few sniffles and I hated manipulating my mom and dad, but at least I wasn't packing my bags just yet.

Mitchie and I were on our way to the open mike in the mess hall to join the rest of our friends when the nurse came after us and told me I was to rest in my cabin for the remainder of the day. Frustrated, I tried to protest but she wouldn't take any of it.

So I was stuck on my bed, flipping through one of Tess' celebrity magazines. Apparently, a sixteen-year old pop star (amusingly named _Destiny Hope Stewart_) managed to get both Disneyland and Disney World closed down for her birthday party. That was the reason why I was reluctant to hang out with Connect 3 when Mitchie first introduced us. Some people let all the fame go to their heads.

Sick of reading articles like 'Shane Grey and his Not-So-Secret Girlfriend Spotted in a Heated Argument' I decided to take a stroll near the lake, not caring if I went against the nurse's orders. I was feeling fine anyway.

I heard the sound of someone singing softly. Curious, I maneuvered around some trees so I could identify the who was behind the mystery voice.

It was Nate. He sat on a huge boulder half in the water, half on land. The vocalist held a note pad in one hand and a pen in the other. Bored out of my mind, I chose to strike up a conversation with the boy who probably saved me from getting a concussion.

"What are you doing here?"

Startled, he jumped -- almost into the lake.

"Oh hey, Caitlyn. Shane told me that this was a good place to find inspiration for songs and I thought I'd take his advice. Why aren't you with the others?"

"The nurse told me to rest for the day after my ...incident. She'd find me if I was at the open mike so I came here. How's the song coming?"

"Almost done."

"Great! Can I hear it?"

He blushed and adorably rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe another time. I, uh, it'll sound better with music."

"Can't I take a peek at what you have?" I opened my hand, palm up.

"No, no. Definitely not!"

He sounded so childish that I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. "What's the matter? Too scared to perform without your band mates?"

Nate cracked a smile. "It's kind of personal. It's about a girl."

"Aw, that's sweet."

His ears reddened.

"Hey, since both of us aren't busy, do you want to do something else than stand here and talk? I was getting bored, sitting on this rock for so long."

"Sure, what do you have in mind?"

Nate motioned for me to follow him and he led me to an area of the camp with overturned, wooden boats.

"Canoeing?" I asked, incredulously.

"What's the matter with it?"

"Nothing. It just seems so--so Smitchie!"

"Smitchie?" He looked at me as if I was crazy.

"You know, Shane and Mitchie. The couple. Mitchie's a hopeless romantic and anything cheesy I associate with her and Shane's adorable, Disney-like relationship. She's always gushing about how Shane takes her out on the lake like he did when they had their first 'real' conversation."

"So you don't want to go?"

"No, no. I do, sorry."

Nate looked a the canoe and chuckled. "Well I guess it is a bit _Smitchie_."

We hauled a big red one out to the water and I waited while Nate went to go get paddles and life jackets. In a comfortable silence, we made our way to the center of the lake.

"The view is beautiful out here."

I had to admit, part of me was waiting for him to look right at me and say "I know mine is." like he was a character out of the corniest movie ever made. But he simply swiveled his head around and stated, "I've seen better. The band's been all over the world because of our tours. You should really go see Hawaii sometime. You'd like it there."

I raised my eyebrows.

"But yes, it is nice." He finished, smiling sheepishly as he just acknowledged how stuck-up he must have sounded.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Have you ever felt like you're ..._dying_ to tell other people about something so important in your life, but you don't because you think it'll change the way they treat you?"

Nate shrugged. "Yes, sort of. I dated this girl once, about right after the band started becoming popular. I tried so hard to prolong her discovery of what I did and that I was famous because I was afraid she'd go all crazy on me and start selling my stuff on eBay. Of course, she found out and that was exactly what she did. It's so hard to make friends nowadays."

No one spoke for a while, and I didn't want our conversation to stop so I blurted out the first thought that came to my mind. "Is it true that the nude pictures of Destiny Hope Stewart were meant for you?"

Could you blame me? It was the only thing I remembered out of that piteous tabloid magazine.

"Wow, and here I thought you didn't care that I was a celebrity and that I could hold a normal conversation with you. Turns out you're just like any other scumbag who sells private information to make money." He sounded so disappointed that I immediately regretted my choice of words.

So I squeaked out, "Oh I'm so sorry, Nate! It's Tess' fault -- well her magazine's fault -- I mean my fault because I read it in the first place, but I didn't know what to say and it was the first thing that popped in to my mind, but it's not like I believed that story because it's just plain dumb, and I don't know why people buy or read that crap, but I did, but only because I was bored and I told you the nurse was going to make me stay in bed for forever, and no one brings books to Camp Rock because of course they're obviously going to be doing other things, and they don't need to read, but Tess likes her celebrity gossip and -- "

"Caitlyn, stop!" He gasped through his laughter. "It's fine --"

"Are you sure because I really didn't mean any harm -- "

I've never spoken so fast in my life.

"Yes. I get it, people get starstruck sometimes, and say the silliest things without puting any thought into it prior to speaking." He grinned cockily.

My jaw dropped. "Starstruck? About _you_? Please. I've met even more famous celebrities."

"Like who?"

"Um, well... I -- "

"Thought so."

Smirking, I reached over the side of the canoe and splashed some water in his face. It didn't take long for him to mimic my actions and soon there was an inch of lake water in our boat while we were both soaking wet.

Eyes widening, he checked his watch. "It's late! We should get back before people start to worry." He panicked.

We grasped our oars firmly and paddled back to shore as fast as could. When we got back, he scampered out of the boat and held out his hand. Surprised, I took it and allowed him to help me out of the canoe. I hung my head so my hair would cover my blushing face. Dragging the wooden object to where we got it, we said our good-byes and headed off to our respective cabins. Though I doubted we'd ever have another one-on-one conversation, Nate's company would be something I'd eagerly anticipate.

I was prepared for so much more fun at this camp that I was forgetting it would be my only chance to enjoy it again.

--

**I have a oneshot posted, 'Coffee Shops and Daisies' It's a Smitchie story with Nate in it too (but not a love triangle). So if you're a fan of any of them, check it out. :)**

**Half the next chapter is already written up so you won't have to wait as long for that one! **

**And review please? You know how much those new buttons are dying to be tried out.**

* * *


	3. The Truth

--

_"Mom?"_

_"Yes, Caitlyn?"_

_"Can you not tell anyone?"_

_"About what? Honey, you're going to have to be a bit more specific."_

_"About my cancer."_

_"Of course. I wouldn't go and shout it out to the world if that's what you mean."_

_"Can you keep it between us and dad? I don't want Grandma or Jesse to know."_

_"Don't they have the right to know you're ...not going to be with us for as long as they think?"_

_"I'm not telling my friends at school either."_

_"You shouldn't keep this from them. They're going to find out sooner or later."_

_"I know, but I don't want them to look at me differently. I just want my life to seem normal for a little while longer."_

--

"What happened to you the other day?" Lola inquired.

"Nothing. I told you, I was simply tired and hungry from the trip, so I passed out."

Sometimes it was hard having persistent friends worring and hovering over you, wanting to know every detail of an event you want so badly to forget.

"You don't look like yourself. You're _sure_ everything's fine?" It was Saunder this time that asked.

I sighed, hoping they'd catch on to my annoyance. The noise level in the mess hall where everyone was eating lunch didn't help the headache I had.

Mitchie came to my rescue. "Guys, leave her alone. You're not helping anyone by repeating the same questions over and over again.

Tess chose that moment to butt into our conversation. "So, Caitlyn. I was talking to my friend Alyson last night. You know her, she goes to your school, right? Well, she told me that everyone's noticed you've haven't been eating at school, and people have heard you throwing up. I never thought you'd be the one with an _eating disorder_ --"

"Back off, Tess." Mitchie glared at the blond. Tess had gained the attention of most of the people sitting around us, including Nate.

"But it's true, right? Is it because of a boy? Ally said there was kid that rejected and totally humiliated you in front of your entire school." Tess was the queen of gossip.

"It's not true. Tell her, Cait so she'll leave us alone." Mitchie growled.

"There was never a boy."

"So you have been skipping meals, hmm?" Tess' tone was teasing and light, like she knew she'd already won.

"It's none of your business."

Mitchie turned to face me. "Why didn't you tell us, Caitlyn. We can help you."

"No, you can't. No one can help me." I was fuming and I didn't realize that I raised my voice.

Tess was clearly amused. "Sweetie, there are doctors in the world trained to help people with their issues."

"Shut up, Tess! I don't have an eating disorder!"

"Then what do you call it?" She was smirking.

"We can help, if you'd let us." Mitchie interrupted, sounding a bit intimidated by me.

"No, you don't understand."

"Calm down, and lower your voice. We'll try at least, because that's what friends do."

"No, I want you to leave me alone."

Mitchie was confused. "What's gotten into you?"

"I don't need anybody. If you were my friend then maybe you'd respect that I don't need your help."

"If you don't need me then maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore."

I stared at her. I was asking for it, but how was I supposed to explain my situation?

So I got up, scowled at Tess, and left the room.

--

Glad to finally be alone, I made my way to the music room with my guitar in tow. Since I had missed my first lesson I thought I'd do some catching up. Caitlyn Gellar was not one to fall behind no matter what. The cabin was empty because everyone else was having the time of their lives at the dock. While having so much fun splashing around, they've probably forgotten about me.

I sat down on one of the chairs near the window and placed the gift I had gotten for my birthday a few months ago on my lap. My fingers fumbled slightly as I tried to play the acoustic instrument. They ached when I pressed the strings down to play a G chord. I hated how weak I felt sometimes. When I attempted an F chord, all the noise that was made was a weak buzzing. The second time around, no sound was produced at all. Two seconds in, my fingertips were already dying.

I felt my anger rising. Couldn't I do anything right?

I heard the door open and footsteps coming towards me and I slowly looked up. Checkered vans, skinny jeans, a plaid shirt, and adorable face then a bush of curly hair.

I sat the guitar down and he pulled up a chair to sit down beside me.

"What are you doing here?"

I motioned to the object I had just placed on the ground laying beside my feet.

"Oh."

"I thought I should catch up, get reacquainted with playing."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

Suddenly, my downcast expression was noticed by the Connect 3 band member.

"Everything alright?"

"No."

"What's wrong? Is it Mitchie?"

"I have cancer." I stated. My tone lacked emotion. It was as if I was saying something as simple as _'My name's Caitlyn' _

But it wasn't.

He didn't respond or showed any signs of hearing my confession at all so I kept going.

"No one knows except you and my family. I've kept it a secret for so long but I'm glad I've finally been able to tell someone. And I kind of feel like part of the weight on my shoulders has been lifted. Too bad I only have two months left to enjoy it, eh?"

Nate winced as soon as the last sentence left my mouth and grasps my frail hand in his warm, comforting one.

Like the nice boy he is, he doesn't push me into saying anything. He listens and that's all I could ever ask from him.

"My mom and dad have been so supportive. I don't think I could have lasted this long without them." I paused and unconsciously twirled a couple strands of my curly hair around my finger. "In a way, I think I've let them down by refusing to get chemo--but I don't regret it. I worry about my little brother though. His name's Jesse. He's seven and I haven't told him about the details. I've begged my parents not to say anything because I don't want to see the look on his face when he finds out his older sister is going to die. He just knows I've been sick, but that's it. He's always asking me 'Why don't you just take Buckley's like I do when I have a cold?' and I hate telling him it isn't that easy."

He frowns. "So you'd rather have him wake up one day with you gone? How do you think he's going to feel when he grows up knowing his big sister hid the biggest secret of her life from him and left without saying good bye?"

I took in a deep breath; my defencive mode was ready to kick in just like it had done earlier. I knew he didn't mean to sound so forward. He'd probably spoken as soon as he heard how ridiculous my reasoning sounded and didn't even stop to think how much his question would hurt. Nate would know or at least assume that I've already thought about that.

Truth is, I have. I just haven't found an answer. My inner procrastinator had a habit of constantly putting off how to deal with that issue.

"But I don't want him to have to think about my death for a year. I want him to be happy, not counting down the days until I stop living."

He remained silent once more, and was slowly processing everything he'd heard in the past couple of minutes.

I've had enough of this. I was starting to feel sorry for myself again.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" I was always putting things off.

Shuffling in my seat, I exhaled noisily while not making eye contact.

He seemed to understand I didn't want to be bugged. I found myself wondering if his lack of speech was due to his extraordinary patience with me or that me just didn't care about the matter. That he just didn't care about me.

I detached my hand from his and wrapped both my arms around my waist. It was still weird sometimes. Talking about _your _death so casually like you aren't unceasingly freaking out about it. Like it isn't the reason you can't sleep at night because you're crying too hard.

--

I haven't heard from Nate since then. It was like he interpreted 'Can we not talk about this anymore' as 'Let's not talk ever again'.

It was the beginning of the second week of camp and of course Mitchie already had her performance for Final Jam all planned out. Ever since our confrontation, I'd seen her with a new girl. I couldn't remember her name but I know she's Latino looking with bright brown eyes and a smile to rival Mitchie's. Contrary to what some people (everyone but me) thought, she wouldn't be able to carry a tune if her life depended on it. Yet, she sure as hell could dance and seemed to radiate charisma. Everyone was attracted to her charm and pretty face. I'd seen Shane staring at her with a look in his eyes that could only mean trouble for Mitchie.

Yet the bubbly girl still loves what's-her-face like there's no tomorrow and they're always attached to the hip, giggling about something. Whether it'd be Dee's new hair cut or Jason's pathetic attempt at a bird house. They'd try on funky scarves and other clothes then parade around the campsite. And one would usually find them rehearsing for Final Jam even though it was weeks away.

But that's what we used to do.

It's the second time I've lost my best friend at this camp. I've forgotten how much it hurts to see the girl you'd spend hours talking to suddenly have a new companion who's more talented than you. Thanks for reminding me, Mitchie.

* * *


End file.
